Going Incommunicado for a Bit

I’m going to be going into the psych hospital again in a few hours… The depression and psychosis has become too much to handle. I need to get my medication straight faster than is possible in an outpatient setting. My class at the community college starts on the 27th of this month. Sometimes, I end up being in the hospital for 2 weeks. I need to be “fixed” in time to start my class. I need to be able to go to class and not be psychotic and suicidal every day.

It’s not just the psychosis, though. The depression is out of control at this point. In combination with the demons, it’s become life or death, literally. Unfortunately…

It’s not just not taking my meds anymore, although that is still an intermittent issue. The demons are extremely insistent, at this point, that I deserve to die, for multiple reasons that I am not going to repeat. They are commanding that I go to the cliff. The cliff is the ultimate plan of suicide for me. A particular cliff. I have my reasons for that specific one… they aren’t really important. I’m having a strong urge to just drive by the cliff on my way to the hospital… I know that’s a stupid thing to do, but that’s what my brain is telling me to do.

So I’m going to go to my morning AA meeting at 7:30 am, and then call the hospital admissions and start the process of getting an assessment for inpatient. With this hospital, you call, answer a few questions over the phone, set up a time that you will be able to get there, and then get there for the assessment. They are going to take my phone so I won’t be able to post anything while I’m in the hospital. Hence the incommunicado…

See you on the other side…

The picture below is something I drew while I couldn’t sleep last night. I drew it on my Wacom Bamboo Slate. I’m just now learning how to use it. I like it so far…

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