the darkness (VICTORIOUS)

the darkness comes creeping,

seeping in through every pore.

slowly taking over my mind,

body,

soul.

I try to fight the inevitable,

the never-ending downward spiral.

this darkness,

it takes away

all motivation,

all energy,

all ability to defend myself in battle.

if I cannot put up an adequate defense,

it is free to do

as it pleases;

free to do whatever

it wants with me.

the darkness has control.

it commands me to jump,

I ask, “how high, master?”

it commands me to cut myself,

I ask, “how deep, master?”

it commands me to kill myself,

I ask, “how would you like me to do it, master?”

I am completely unable

to deny the darkness

of its desires.

whatever it wants,

it gets.

whether I want it,

or not…

the darkness is in charge.

I have no right

to tell it no.

or so it feels,

in the moment.

it tells me to stay in bed,

skip that appointment,

skip that class,

ignore that text or phone call,

they don’t really care,

after all.

but a sense of obligation

and responsibility

keeps me out of bed,

at my appointments

and in my classes.

and after a while,

if I ignore the messages long enough,

people will be breaking down my door.

so, I answer that text and return that call.

the more I do,

the more I try,

the easier it becomes

to fight the darkness the next day.

with the help of those around me,

I may even be able to defeat it,

eventually.

not today,

probably not tomorrow;

it will take time

and a great deal of work.

but as long as I have

a gang of fellow fighters,

willing to back me up,

in my corner,

I will take out the darkness.

I will win this war.

I’ve lost several of the battles,

but small defeats mean nothing

in the end

when you are VICTORIOUS!

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