… and I’ll give you three guesses.
Number One – I can’t sleep.
Number Two – I want to self-harm.
You’re two for two…
Number Three – I’m sitting on my front porch, writing again.
Got ’em all!!!
I’m not sure if writing is really going to prevent me from hurting myself, but it will at least postpone it. Maybe long enough that I can just go to bed… that’s the hope anyway.
I want to make it through the weekend and go back to PHP having not hurt myself. That’s the goal right now.
I was feeling good for most of last week. Then the weekend hit, and I crashed. I slept most of Saturday. Mom woke me up at 4:30pm, saying dinner would be ready in 15 minutes. I was completely confused. I didn’t understand how it was so late. We ate dinner, then I took a 3 hr nap and got up at 9pm. I went to bed again around midnight or 1am. I was really only out of bed for around 6 hours on Saturday…
I’ve been working on school work for most of today, with breaks thrown in. I got two assignments done and turned in. There’s only one more that was due Tuesday, but I’m not going to be able to finish it in time. I’m just happy I got the other two done, and can start working on the last one tomorrow, hopefully. I want to have something started when I go to class on Tuesday. I’ve been stressing out over this class for a while now. I feel like I’m so far behind but I know that there are others in the class that are in the same boat I am, if not farther behind. I just can’t help but feel like I am going to fail, even though I have a high B with what has been graded so far. My brain keeps telling me I am doing horribly, that I am not a good artist and I should just give up.
That’s just my self-esteem trying to get the best of me. I’m not going to let it win, not this time. I’m going to keep going, and I’m going to keep trying, and I’m going to get this degree and get a job in this field. So there.
Thanks for reading and I hope to see you again soon!