Happy 4th of July!

We wish we could go see some actual fireworks this year… We haven’t been to a show for years. We think they do a good show in the town just north of us, actually. When we were a child, our dad would take us downtown, just across the river, and we would watch the showContinue reading “Happy 4th of July!”

Has it really been 2 months?

You know that feeling when you want to write, and you know you should write, but you have no idea what to write? Well, that is where we are right now… We were in the hospital again. May 7th – 19th. Nothing spectacular. We went before we did anything to hurt ourselves. We went toContinue reading “Has it really been 2 months?”

Paranoia and a little more…

We are so paranoid right now… This whole COVID-19 situation has got us going crazy. Can’t remember if we mentioned this in our last post, but the language around it seems so Big Brother and Dystopian Society to us. Social distancing, lockdowns, shelter-in-place for countries… Not to mention that our city passed legislation that ifContinue reading “Paranoia and a little more…”

Well…

We were still in Trauma IOP up until today. We started back in the partial hospitalization program today. We’ve been having more and more suicidal thoughts, and getting closer to acting on them. The therapist from the IOP asked, on more than one occasion, if we needed a higher level of care. We refused toContinue reading “Well…”

How’s it?

Well, I don’t really know at the moment… can that be my answer? I’m still suicidal, self harm helps with this, but I’m trying to not do that, I got close tonight but managed to abstain; I’m still psychotic, just not as bad; I’m still having flashbacks and body memories galore, every day, at leastContinue reading “How’s it?”

Change is scary…

I finished the partial hospitalization program last week. On Thursday, January 30th. I started a Trauma Focused Intensive Outpatient Program yesterday, February 3rd. Change is scary. I’ve pretty much been in PHP since June. There have been breaks for trips to the hospital, and one short step down to IOP for a few days beforeContinue reading “Change is scary…”

Don’t even know where to start…

I want to write… I have wanted to write for over a week now… I want to write the right thing. I want to make it perfect. There are things I need to write about, but I don’t know where to start. I had a friend commit suicide on January 12th. I relapsed on alcoholContinue reading “Don’t even know where to start…”

Bad few days, or…

I feel like I’m crashing again… I don’t want to be crashing again… I want it to be just a few bad days. I want it to just be my shot of Abilify wearing off early, since it was the first one. I want to miraculously feel better after I get the next shot onContinue reading “Bad few days, or…”

Rough Day…

Today has been rough… just an all around hard day. I’ve had several flashbacks that kind of threw me for a loop and brought up the traumatic loss that I’ve been dealing with the most lately… and that led to the two recent suicide attempts. The memories of this loss are what really brought meContinue reading “Rough Day…”